there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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