Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
