I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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