haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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