if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
