Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
