I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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