Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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