I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
