the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
