Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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