He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
