I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
