you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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