I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
