why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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