You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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