You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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