i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
