I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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