i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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