I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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