Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
