The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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