You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY