tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
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Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home