That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.