Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
