I wish my penis had an off switch
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
