Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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