you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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