My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
