Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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