before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
