I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
