My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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