Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
