Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
