Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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