We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
