I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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