I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
