Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
