I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
