I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
