Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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