I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
