So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
