Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
