we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
