your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
