Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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