Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize