True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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