i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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