i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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