Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize