this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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