just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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