Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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