your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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