i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
