just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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