I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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