other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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