I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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