you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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