Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize