I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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